| after an absence, after a struggle, i fell. i needed somewhere to go, i needed somewhere to talk, i needed someone. and now im here. its funny.
being surrounded by so many wonderful people, trying your best to stay preoccupied and yet, still feeling like you're alone. i reluctantly hold out my hand, and then i take it back.
i cannot bother anyone anymore.
i choke back the screams, the tears, the everything. because, i finally get the hint. they're sick of it.
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i give up,
im holding up the white flag.
all the confidence i fabricated around myself has been torn down.
i look at others and wear my smile,
no, i don't want anyone to see that im hurting
because they believe & i want them to believe that im okay.
and that's how it will be.
no longer will i reach out my hand,
because no one is there to catch me when i fall,
i will walk on alone.
this is goodbye,
to a person i am, to a person that is too hopeful for her own good.
i will try to lock you up inside of me, so that you will never have to be hurt again.
and yes,
ill wear my smile, and look away.
we live on, so will i.
you win.
this is goodbye to the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve,
to the girl who believed in fairytales,
to the girl who just wanted to feel happy again.
goodbye cindee.
goodbye xanga,
this is the end.
maybe ill be back later,
but not anytime soon.
</3
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| <3 j'adore la musique; ayaka - why hmm, im thinking about printing some of my photos onto canvas and hanging them on my "soon-to-be" free wall (lol ill rearrange whatevers on my walls... uh hopefully soon lol) im not sure what shots ill be using, most likely landscape-ish ones, since ive already got all my candid shots on my back wall. i didnt realise how exxy they are! :\ i originally was thinking of 9 square canvas' but.. they're about $50 for a 12x12 print o_o so i might do just 3.. or else just one long rectangular canvas which is about $100-$150. once i get home (procrastinating at work lol) ill upload some shots, maybe you guys can help me choose a couple to print off! :) |
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